Mom!

I've been thinking a lot about my role as a Mom lately.  A good book on this subject is Covenant Motherhood, just fyi.  I've always felt it's been important and glad that I can be home with them, but in the last week something finally clicked.  Ever since Tatton started Kindergarten I have been giving it a lot more thought.  His school schedule has positively brought more structure to our day and I finally feel a really good sense of assurance of why I'm doing what I do everyday.  It was SO hard to send Tatton to school.  He's gone to preschool the past 2 years so you'd think this was no big deal for me, but no!  For some reason knowing he's at that big school with big kids, seeing his little head sitting on the huge bus seat just ripped my heart to pieces and brought many tears to my eyes.  All I can do is trust that the Lord will be watching over my little guy when as a Mom I physically cannot.  I remember as a kid my mom worked and I always was sad when my friends talked about their mom being home when they got off the bus.  When I was really little my mom was the secretary at the seminary so a lot of times I'd just walk there after school, and thinking back about it, it was pretty fun.  As I got older she worked at a condo/resort so sometimes I'd go there after school and was able to watch movies, play pool, play tennis or go swimming thanks to the access to the clubhouse and swimming pool.  I really can't complain because those were some fun days too.  Don't get the wrong idea, my mom was the best and I wasn't scarred for life or anything.  And now that I'm older I completely understand that I'm sure she had to work with having 8 kids, especially feeding the appetite of 6 boys!  But it still made an impact on me and I have made it a goal, and always wanted to be a mom that was home to send my kids off to school, and be there when they got home with a cute little after school snack waiting for them and being able to talk to them about their day and what they learned and help them with homework right away.  I feel really blessed and so grateful to Aaron that I'm able to do that and I feel overwhelmed with a new found responsibility to my boys' education and nurturing.  That's what clicked with me the other day as I watched little Tatton get off the bus with his backpack on that's almost bigger than him!  It was honestly like someone shouted in my ear: This is why I'm here! I'm home to be there for them and try and be the best mom I can be for my little guys.  We've taken on a whole new schedule and routine here at our house and I'm loving it.  We have our share of days when I feel like I accomplished absolutely nothing and the house is a mess and I swear all I hear during the day is mom, mom, mom, mom, but I'm glad I at least feel at the end of the day a new sense of purpose of being a Mom to these 4 little gentlemen.  It's good to be uplifted every once in awhile amidst the chaos and feel like you're doing an ok job because I know for myself, most the time I feel the opposite.  The emotions I think are going to start all over tomorrow though because Lincoln starts preschool... this whole mom thing keeps getting tougher and tougher!